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As I have been doing every Friday for almost eight years, I had breakfast at McDonald's with my daughter. This time it was a little bittersweet as, I realized that this was our last breakfast together while she is a high school student. Tomorrow she graduates, and in the fall it is off to college. How the hell did that happen. :)
We began this little tradition, when Emily was a 10 year old beginning the fifth grade. The week after I married her mom, we started settling into a routine. Because my work schedule matched her school start time, I was the one to take her to school. The very first week she suggested that we go to breakfast at the nearby McDonald's every Friday. I have to admit I was a little nervous about becoming a Dad for the first time when I was in my early 40's. Emily and I got along well before the marriage, but being a Dad was a whole new ballgame. I agreed with her suggestion thinking it would be a good way to get to know each other better. So a tradition was born.
At the time I thought that the tradition might last through middle school. I was sure that there was no way a high school girl was going to want to risk being seen with her "old Man" in a public place. I was wrong. Our little routine became very important for both of us. It was the best decision I ever ever made. Not only did we make it through High School, she insisted we have breakfast together even during her summer vacations. She would get up early during the summer so we could still go to breakfast. Over the years we missed a week here and there. Occasionally, I would be out of town on business. There were also days during her chemotherapy treatments, that she did not feel up to going. Those misses were few and far between.
So today, when we walked in and one of the ladies working, was someone who has been there for the whole time. Emily told her she was graduating. She smiled, and reminded Emily how little she was, and how much less gray hair I had when we started coming in. We had our usual, chatted about the boy she already met on her first campus activity. Shared some of life's small details and reminisced a little about our little tradition.
I think this breakfast tradition was very important in our relationship. I was so proud when she first asked me if it would be alright to call me Dad (Even when her biological Dad was still alive).
I am proud of this young lady as she prepares to go off to college. I am proud that she was able to finish in the top 10% of her class, despite all the adversity she faced, just as high school began. I am proud that she has grown into a responsible young adult. I am proud to call her my daughter.
I know we have a few more Friday breakfasts together before she heads off to Central. The last one is really going to be hard. We joked that we should set up a web cam, and have breakfast long distance, but this McDonald's does not have WI-FI yet. I have a hunch, if they do add WI-FI, Emily will be serious about the long distance breakfasts, and I will be happy to join her.
I'm working my way backwards through your posts. Not that I feel I have to respond to every one of them. I guess it's sort of like having a conversation, and I usually have something to say.
ReplyDeleteHow wonderful that you have such a close relationship with your daughter. And if it was this close through her teens, I can't imagine that it won't always be that way. You have given her a real gift. (And I can see that she, you.)
While I was happy/sad for you when I read this, it also scratched at some sore places for me. I would have loved to have had children. It was always an assumption by me that I would. When I married at age 28, my ex and I expected that we would have a family. Unfortunately, only a couple of years after I married, I realized that I did not love my husband enough to spend a lifetime with him, and I thought it best for both of us that we end the marriage. I thought we were both young enough (32) that we could go out there and start over.
Two years later, he was remarried, and I have yet to have a decent relationship. Needless to say, my child-bearing years are for all intents and purposes behind me. Never having the experience of motherhood has left a big hole in me.
I believe I would have made a good mother, but who knows? Now that I understand the role mental illness has played in my life (insidious but definite), perhaps it's better that I never did.
Anyhow, I am happy for -- and envious of -- your bittersweet situation. Treasure it.
Life does not always follow the path we planned.
ReplyDeleteIn my minds eye, I always figured I'd be married by my mid 20's have two kids before 33 or so, and be elected the first Italian American President in 2008.
Didn't happen. Long story, maybe another venue.
I am sorry, that you did not have the opportunity to be a mom. Despite your situation I have no doubt you would have been terrific. Anyone with as much caring and compassion for those less fortunate, has the soul to be an outstanding mother.
That is all I have time for now. Working on another post, but have been too busy this weekend.